I don’t know how charismatic I am, but other than that, this sounds very much like me.
I think I figured something important out about myself, something others have probably realized very quickly, but I have been very slow about. I’ve often thought of myself as a lot more cold or unfeeling, shy or withdrawn than I really am naturally.
Note in this ENFJ article, a huge focus on close bonding and emotions – I think (know) that it is very possible I haven’t had enough of this in my life to meet my (strong) needs and so through the years I’ve learned to compensate by either withdrawing from others or hiding my thoughts or feelings or trying to put on a “don’t care” attitude – I can even see this attitude when I was a child. (In the article, there is a reference to fight or flight when feeling exposed).
As a result I’ve started a never-ending cycle of not reaching out to people, not investing, not giving any of myself, despite it being very natural for me to jump in quickly and pour on very heavily. The truth is I know how deep and intense and sensitive I can be, but I have tried to hide it.
I can see the evidence of this coming out when I meet someone I really click with and I just kind of jump on them – I probably freak them out, because I get excited, especially if we bond quickly and heavily. I see the evidence in the past on how I’ve responded to all sorts of relationships – it’s very clear to me now how very much I need and seek out people.