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..a little more on the conference..

I had this inserted into what I originally wrote, but decided to save it to expand upon later.

I was on the Deeper Still blog reading all the opinions. Everyone was rejuvenated and I didn’t really feel that way. So, I feel a bit sad about that, but I was pretty happy overall. I honestly didn’t expect to agree with as much that was said or to feel anything from it. I didn’t agree with everything of course, but, like I said, I was pleasantly surprised. The thing is, I tend to dislike all things emotionally-driven, and as I suspected, this was no different in that way. On one hand, I am a bit envious of those who have “camp high” experiences, on the other hand, I don’t think the Christian life is meant to be lived that way– with a sense of feeling God and looking for new experiences trumping everything God has already given us in His Word. But, I tried to go into everything with a good attitude, and I needed this time to be about God and nothing else, so I honestly wanted to feel more than I did.

There are two things in particular that are meaningful to me: 1. I am jealous of those who claim personal, real, emotionally-driven experiences with God. 2. I am admittedly out of the evangelical loop, so this is the first time I’ve taken notice to this. But, with that said, I am terribly taken aback by phrases such as “she has really given us a word today”– “word” being what I assume to mean a personal experience with God being shared for the purpose of teaching others, coming from speaking for God, hence being a “Word” from God.

I am jealous of those who claim personal, real, emotionally-driven experiences with God. I do not have these and any I may have had either have been few and far between or questionable on whether or not they were from God. I actually, believe it or not, am mostly okay with this. I consider the Word of God– the Bible– to be my ultimate lifeblood connection to God, through Jesus Christ, and I don’t need to feel my way to the Throne. On the other hand, like any human relationship, I do desire an emotional connection and drive to God. This is where I am often jealous of others and what they present as a relationship with God– hands raised, tears rolling down their cheeks in large numbers– every one of them pictured as emotionally experiencing God.

However, this is where I also have the problem. I have absolutely zero problem with emotional connections with God, per se, nor weeping, hands raised, praise or worship. However, the picture that is painted– and the very base that the evangelical church has been built on– is false and damaging.

1. Emotional experiences lead to “words”. “Words” are used to teach and build up other Christians. These “words” are presumed to be direct words from God. The Bible is rarely involved in these so-called words. Where God has used people in the Bible to speak to other people (the Bible itself even!) the only “word” we need is the very Word of God. There is nothing that a person can say that could trump this.

2. Worship is built around the concept that in order to worship God, one must emotionally experience God or hear a “word” from God– phrases such as “I can feel God in the house tonight” are often heard. This makes worship about an individual and what he/she can get out of it. It also incorrectly judges the worth of an individual’s own relationship. Worship, instead, is only about God. Worship is individual and collective, sometimes emotional, sometimes raw, but never about us.

3. If you do not “feel God’s presence”, you must not be a Christian, or have the Holy Spirit, or pray enough, or read the Bible enough, or have enough “quiet time”, or any other such nonsense.

4. “Feeling God’s direction in my life” is the very basis of all decision making. When the Bible is not clear on the direction of a person’s life, it is ultimately their choice, as long as they are obeying God in the process. I think I do believe that some people get pushed to a particular direction– things are more clear for some than others– but I’m not so sure that this works for everyone. In fact, I think it works for very few.

5. No one wants to argue with another person’s experience. When the very word of God is based on experience, truth becomes relative. Honestly, your particularly experience can be the most intense and realistic thing to you, but if it does not line up with the Bible, it is not from God.

6. The very heart of a person is wicked and sinful. Trusting your own heart is iffy. I don’t want to negate my feelings and emotions any more than another person might, but I do question my own when my own do not line up with God. And the only way to know if they line up with God is if I study what God says.

These are the things I have the biggest problems with. However, I am also jealous of the “camp high” experience. I actually, for the most part, don’t find this particularly a bad thing. I think the bad is when people have a great experience and then continue their life as if it has never happened. But, it is my personal opinion that we all need times of rejuvenation, encouragement or just plain rest. These are the things I most long for and what I hoped to come out of the conference experiencing. I did say that I tried to go into all of this with a good attitude. And these are some of the things I came out of this with:

1. Matthew 18:20 “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” (ESV) It is obvious that watching 20,000 women all under the name of Jesus Christ is a powerful thing, but it is truly more than that. I know God was there among us, because the Bible confirms it– not just this particular verse– but the Bible as a whole shows the pattern of this.

2. Hebrews 4:12 “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” I am reminded that this is where Truth comes from. I can hear gifted speakers, touching stories, amazing testimonies (and yes, there were some touching moments) and they can be true and powerful, yes, but the truth lies only in the Word of God– every word that is spoken is checked and re-checked to the Word. And only the Word has the power to convict.

And the very Word that is spoken is Jesus Christ. (John 1:1-5)

3. It is important to rest. I actually don’t have a particularly busy life, but I am quite happy with that. It gives me time to rest, not be idol (but I do enough of that), but rest. When God finished creation, he rested. He instituted the Sabbath for all of man to rest. (And I personally believe the Sabbath is meant to continue today.) In the wilderness, there was rest. When burdened, there was rest. Jesus rested, fasted, prayed. Through rest comes healing, restoration, rejuventation, newness, life.

4. In the end, I just don’t really care about where other women get their hair done, or where they find their clothes or how long it takes to put on their makeup, or tanning or nails. I also, and particularly, do not think that making myself look better in the name of “taking care of myself” for anyone, husband included, is Biblical. (I actually think this is a bit of culture/society/pop psych. mixed in with the Bible under the guise of “honoring my body as the temple of God”.) Even recently, while redoing my own wardrobe, I still don’t particularly find these things important– they make for fun, silly rants/entries, but they aren’t important, they are only necessary functions of daily life. What is important is eternal– baptism, the Eucharist, the poor, hungry, unsaved. And the things that aren’t directly eternal are friends, family and relationships. Personally, I find freedom, knowledge and wisdom to be quite compelling, as well. And a good can of beer. (Actually, I prefer mixed drinks, but that doesn’t flow as well.)

I think I’m going to call this quits for the moment. Maybe more later?

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