So, wow, I’m out. Last night, I deleted the diary of a site I was at for five years and four months– a place where I was once even a staff member. I had 2160 entries and 26652 comments. I was user 538. But, I was sick of the “drama”, sick of the lies and accusations, and frankly, it was time. I was entirely way too attached to the number 538, and not the people and the content. I tried to delete once before, but I didn’t have the guts. I had them last night so I took advantage of it. I cried like a baby, but it felt good and freeing and I still feel good about it in the morning.
Today, well, the site is down again, to say the least. We’ll see what happens. I’m glad I deleted last night. Even if everything comes back and it’s there for years to come, I’m still happy.
A lot of stuff happened in that five plus years. I lived in five different homes. I lost my mom. I left college. I battled depression. I met a man there, got engaged and married to him. I moved across country. I met a million and one friends, in real life and online. I’ve changed and grown as a person. But, it’s just content. I have it saved and I still have my friends. It’s good for me to see it that way. It’s important, but it’s not life ending.
But, moving on. I already wrote about my anniversary, but I didn’t mention that I got a washer and dryer– my first one and brand new! I must have done at least seven loads of laundry yesterday. We’ve been that far behind since we’ve gotten married! But, it feels really good to get it done, and play with my new toy, and to feel useful.
I’m starting to really enjoy being a housewife, a homemaker. I know others don’t understand it, but I realise that there are a lot of things I believe in and do that people don’t understand and I have to be okay with that. I’ve battled a long time with wanting to go back to school and wanting to do more and having to feel like I’m successful by the world’s standards. I’ve battled with wanting to get out of this city and this state and go home. And, I’m not saying I’ll never go back and I’ll never “do more” and never move home (and I still want to do all three), but right now, right at this moment, I am content.
It really feels good to be content all the way around. Here’s to new beginnings in far away places.
3 Comments
Cheers to that!
Its time for a new beginning.
I’m glad you finally got a new washer & dryer. They are blessings to have.
I think we’re all going to enjoy this new site being created. With all the drama back at the old site, it will be a welcomed change.
It’s great to hear you got the washer and dryer. I can’t imagine not having my own. Sometimes just the simple things in life can bring the greatest joys.
Being a homemaker is hard work and it can be rewarding too. I wish our society didn’t look down on women so much for choosing that route. I can’t wait to one day be able to stay home with my children and care for them. I’ve been caring for my hubby now almost 9 years. I can’t wait for a new beginning of my own too.